Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
