booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
