i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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