if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
