Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
