what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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