How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i now understand why vodka
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
