How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
