i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
