And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry about my life...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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