Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was CRYING into my vagina
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
