i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
