Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
