I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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