Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize