Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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