I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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