watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
