"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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