She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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