ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
