my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
