Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
pray to the hookup gods
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
