is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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