someone threw a dead crab at me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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