I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
