4 words: hood of his car
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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