Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
