Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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