You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
