I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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