Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
false alarm, still single
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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