You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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