That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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