I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
