So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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