I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
