i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
