meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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