your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you had me at cake vodka
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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