You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
