Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
