so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
