she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
