We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
