watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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