i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
