just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
