I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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