i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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