just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize