I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My ass is underappreciated
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
