omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
