i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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