I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
