she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
