if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Found the puke drawer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
