I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
