Im at strip club and am horny
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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