I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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