Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Soap is not a condiment
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
