And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
