We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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