Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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