First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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