According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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