My hair reeks of homosexuality.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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