I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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