my mouth tastes like poor choices
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Welp...herpes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
