I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
