I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
