I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
