I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
