Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
