Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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