He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
