party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
