doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
