I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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