She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
